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This is interesting:
Vajayjay or not to Vajajay?

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with genital euphemism, as long as you're comfortable with the word you're using. Jason from work says it sounds childish. Some people say it's degrading not to use to technical term, treating the word "vagina" like it's a bad thing. Marcia from work just says she hates Oprah. Oprah and Dr. Bailey from "Grey's" made the term popular.

Am I supposed to be angry about this? I think that's pushing it. Who says penis, either?

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I saw Courtney Martin speak at St. Mary's last night. She's a feminist journalist/author who wrote a book about young women and body image. I liked her lecture, but it didn't sound like anything I haven't heard before. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had read the book cover to cover before going, but it was the same "rewrite your internal message" stuff that I've read in Cosmo, just in a different package.

I support anyone out there trying to tell young girls (hell, all women) they should feel better about themselves than they do, but I really wonder what it's going to take to make that internal, positive mantra permanent.

I, for one, obsess about every bit of food that goes into my mouth (and then work out like crazy to get rid of it or, if it's especially fattening, starve myself for the rest of the day), and it pisses me off that I'll probably always feel compelled to be totally nuts about the way I look to stay socially accepted.

It pisses me off that probably 95 percent of women fuck around with self-esteem issues so much that they spend literally half their lives either complaining to their friends, preening in front of a mirror or trying to figure out why they're not good enough for some guy to call. Like it's automatically our fault if the pants/shirt/guy doesn't fit. It always feels like our fault.

And even trying to analyze it sounds trite, because so many women have said all this before. So many people roll their eyes after hearing it, including other women. It really is horrible, if you think about it. It's rage-inducing to feel like you don't even belong to your own opinions or beliefs. It's horrible not to trust how I feel, because I don't know what's planted in my head and what's always existed.

So what's it going to take for us to feel better, to stop buying shit that makes us feel bad and to stop making each other feel worse? I don't know. I don't know that I'll ever get to the point where I can think of something to say that hasn't already been said. But it really makes me want to try.
Current Music:
architect - the decembrists
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Things are better.
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I totally, totally think Livejournal is cursed.
Current Mood:
bored bummed
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It's been awhile since I've written anything in here. Life's been pretty busy lately. Um, work is pretty hectic. No matter how much I like doing what I do, sometimes at the end of the day it's just my job, something I have to get through until I go home. Nothing comes completely without bureaucratic bullshit. If I've learned anything about "real life" during my time here, it's that. But I'd say I'm happy here about 80% of the time. I think that's pretty good.

I wish I could say I could relate to the people I grew up with as well as the people I've met since college, but I think it's hard to shift the dynamic of a childhood friendship into one that works when we're adults. When we're young, we basically have to find the best people for us in a group of people that are thrown together based on where we live. When we're older, if we're lucky, we get to choose better fits out of a massive crowd of people. We don't have to settle on our friendships if we don't want to.

Not saying one is always better than the other, though ... It's like shopping at a boutique (smaller, less stuff is likely to fit you, but sometimes you find an unforgettable staple that lasts a long time. And if the staple gets ruined or lost, you compare everything else to its memory) compared to shopping in Target (more colorful, more fun stuff to look at, and the quality is usually okay. Stuff lasts for awhile).

I enjoy my friendships, but I realize now that they all unique to each other. It's just one of those things that happens, I guess, when we grow. When it comes to finding people that continue to make me who I am, it's become pretty clear to me that one size doesn't fit all.


Before I went off on my friendship tangent, I was going to mention something about Jeff. I am scared to even talk about him or type his name. I just feel like I've done this before, and it sucks when things don't work out. But it's been awhile since we met, and things are going well. I am not anyone's girlfriend, but I definitely have met someone I like to spend time with. He's cool, funny and handles me well. That's about all I have the strength to say :)
Current Mood:
optimistic optimistic
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I was flipping through some pictures of college the other day (I have this huge box crammed with pictures from freshman and the early parts of sophomore year, back before I got a digital), and I couldn't believe how quickly the time went. I realized that awkward phases, mine in particular, are more far-reaching and longer-lasting than I had previously thought. My face was rounder, my eyebrows were thicker and my fashion sense was pretty appalling. Those things, the superficial and insignificant things, are the parts about college that indicate that I was at one time sweeter than I am now. I can't explain it except by maybe saying the best part of naivety is the utter lack of self-consciousness it causes. Once you learn that parts of you are not so much unacceptable, but unmarketable (so to speak), I think you kind of lose forever a pretty important part of youth that always leaves us before we can fully appreciate it.

I can nearly feel what it used be like inside my head when I first got to Loyola, the excitement about meeting new people and the trust I put into those near-strangers. When I was lucky, those people became my best friends. When I was unlucky, I lost everything, or at least parts of me that proved to be impossible to replace or recover.

So I flipped through those pictures. A series of nights that progressed from innocent, pot-laced buzzings to shrieking, emotional benders where I threw anger at every person I could collide with. Nights where I learned how to inhale, or shotgun a beer. Nights that ended in tattoo parlors. I laughed the hardest I've ever laughed in my life, those nights in that freshman dorm. Nights that ended in feeling closer to people by using methods that would ultimately keep us incapable of becoming real friends. Nights that ended in tears, in political discussions, in lying on the shores of Lake Michigan trying to keep the sand out of my eyes. Nights that started in cabs and ended in unfamiliar apartments. Nights that took me everywhere and nowhere all at once.

I got to the end of that huge stack of pictures and hoped like hell the other people in them cared about those nights, and felt them, and still feel them, as much as I did, and do, and will.
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hey, in a month i lost 24 inches allover and 3.9% of my body fat.

this is the best day ever.

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Boot camp is hard. Here's the latest video of what we've been doing: http://www.etruth.com/Know/News/Story.aspx?ID=420677

Some of us are gonna keep doing it for another month. It's neat seeing everyone look so amazing after such a short period of time. I can't wait to see what two months will do.

Blah. I'm tired today. I don't want to be at work. I want a lot of things out of my life and the energy to get ANY of them isn't quite present right now (from applying to grad school to going to starbucks to get a mocha). Maybe I just haven't had enough coffee this afternoon, but every little thing just seems out of reach.

I have to go on a story now. Then I'll write it, leave and go spend the rest of my day in sweat pants, lounging around and thinking about all the junk food I can no longer eat.

I met someone, maybe. But I am wary of men I meet in this area, because one of them could potentially keep me here for much longer than I had originally intended, or, heaven forbid, try to breed with me. This means I am constantly debating remaining dateless for the entirety of my stay here, which might be just a little unneccessary, or taking a chance on people who seem alright for the time being. I've never had to think about dating in this manner, i.e. something that HAS to be temporary or have an end point. I know it never works out that way, but I'm trying to stay alert, as if the guys who express interest are trying to ruin my life instead of make it better.
... Eh, I suppose I'll give this one a try.
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To do by the end of the year:
1. get in shape -- on my way
2. Vegas -- in the planning stages
3. get a freelance piece in somewhere -- not even close, yet
4. GRE -- " "
5. (tentative) NYC for New Years Eve to meet up with Gretchen -- no idea, but would like to

To do by the end of the decade:
1. revisit London
2. get to grad school
3. figure out exactly what i want to do, where i want to live -- may take longer than 2.5 years ..
4. Seattle, NYC
5. Argentina!!

To do by the end of my life:
1. witness a miracle
2. visit Australia (drink, coral reef snorkel), Morocco (dance), Alaska (freeze), the Grand Canyon (tourist), Santa Fe (turquoise), China (pick tea, see panda)
3. love healthily
4. sox games, hard rock concerts and a car show or two with my dad
5. understand both moms
6. live in another part of the world .. again
7. be part of a movement


That is all for now. Weekend's soon!
Current Mood:
excited excited
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